Skip to main content


I am destined to be alone and miserable.

To stare idly at nothingness; to fantasize about the impossible; to wish for things that can never be achieved; to hope for a love that can never be given.

To sit like a statue in and be surrounded by darkness; to cry and yet not shed a single tear.

To not care and feel nothing; or at least be adept at hiding pain and frustration; to always seem to move on and yet in truth dwell in the past; to forgive but never forget.

To be ruled by fear rejection and yet foolishly try and try again to establish a connection; to fail at it; to try again, and again, and again, and again; and disappoint myself each and every time.

To want to love and be loved in return, and find only emptiness and loneliness.
To have people think I’m crazy; and yet know that they just don’t understand; to have to suffer the indignation of having to notice every bit of ignorance, stupidity, and narrow-mindedness the world possesses and hate it; all the while grappling with the reality that I’m not so perfect myself.

To be fated to be loved only misery, melancholy, melodrama, and self-pity; to love a person who does not seem to exist; to put all my hopes, dreams, ambitions and aspirations on a person who’s probably going to let me down someday.

To bare out my soul this way because there isn't any other means by which I can express myself; to fill dozens of notebooks with unspoken thoughts; and to read them again and again from time to time just to remind myself how uselessly pathetic I am.

To be a dreamer and a realist at the same time; to ask myself questions I know the answers to; to speak to myself for lack of another person to talk to.

To devour romantic movies and relish each kiss, each dance, each song, each and every single piece of dialogue as if it were my own; and to know the whole time that such things will never happen in my life.

To believe in forever and everlasting love, and yet be given the complete opposite every time I do fall in love.

To tell anyone who bothers to listen that I see myself married to her; and then lose her; to say it again about another person; and lose her the same way.

To fail at almost everything I try to do; to be ridiculed at every decision I make; to have people I know make stupid jokes and hurtful comments behind my back.

To always be second best or less; to watch my dreams fade away into nothing; to always have to suck it all up and say, "That's the way life goes," and “Shit happens.”

To realize that all of this is my fault; that I make myself miserable; that I choose to wallow in self-pity and melodrama; and know that I can do absolutely nothing about it, since it seems that it's the only thing I can do well.

Yes, I am truly destined to be alone and miserable.


Anonymous said…
hay,, tlagang ganyan ang buhay.. (UNFAIR) kaya ako i dont bliv in luv anymore.. heheh. cgro! sulat kpa ng marami ha^.^

Popular posts from this blog

Photo post

Random shot of the day:

In lieu of my very erratic posting, I've decided to keep this blog (and the connecting one in Multiply as well) alive by posting a shot from my library from time to time. I might also post a short vignette inspired the photo as long as I have the inspiration and the brain power for it.

New Year, new post. LOL.

I suddenly feel compelled all of a sudden to post something in lieu of the New Year--which basically only really means a change of date--and I do realize that it's been AGES since I last put something here.

But what a year 2008 was. It was easily one of the most trying for me emotionally--which I will not expound on; the people who know me know what I'm talking about. But I am still thankful for small joys like good chatting days (and there were lots of bad ones too), Hairspray, airsoft, and eat outs with friends.

Basically I start the year feeling like one of those 9 out of 10 Filipinos they've recently put on the news--hopeful. I hope that this year will be a year of better things, of small and big successes.

Right now, I'm starting to dread Monday--and I'm sure many others feel the same--so I'm trying to maximize what's left of my RPG-playing days before I go back to all that work again.

From Slumdog to Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire has been getting a lot of hype lately, and I, for one, think it deserves it.

Set in the slums of Mumbai, Slumdog Millionaire is, simply, a rags-to-riches story of a boy who went from the shit-diving fanboy (watch the movie and you'll understand) to the 20 million-Rupee winner of the local version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - and gets the girl of his dreams in the process. And to make it truly Bollywood-grade (it's a British film, BTW), there's a dance scene at the end.

While some may say that the story is something we've all seen before countless times over and over again (yes, the premise is THAT overused), that's entirely beside the point. No idea is new, they say, the key lies in the way something is presented, which makes Slumdog Millionaire stand out from all the rest. The cinematography for one, is great, and for a movie that reminded me so much of the slums of our own Payatas, of the congestion of this sprawling metropolis we call Met…