Saturday, January 21, 2006

Porn Job Exam (some explicit but edited content)

I've been unable to post anything for quite a while now, due to my continuing bum status, although that's not to say that I've settled into being a useless, jobless moron. In one of my recent job-finding-related wanderings around our pollution-filled metropolis, one of the writing jobs I applied for gave an exam where I was supposed to write something about er, let's say, something that happens behind closed doors. And pictures were included, to enhance the whole effect. Neat, huh? I don't think I'm allowed to post those pictures here, but there was something there that said "Two giant dicks in one tiny asshole." You get the picture.
Here's what I wrote:
I've always wondered how it would be like to be a porn star. All those women lying on the bed like sex depraved nymphomaniacs with their perfect looking breasts and their legs spread so wide that they seem to be inviting you in. And on top of it all, I'd be paid to do those women who'll moan and scream (on cam at least) like I'm some sex god who has descended to earth to pleasure them. To think that there are other men who have to pay to do a woman – or even a man who looks like a woman – to have and do all that, I could count myself lucky if I could screw just one of those porn chicks, let alone a whole load of them on a regular basis and receive a paycheck for doing so. And there are no ugly women in porn. There are only hard silicon boobs (mo matter what they say, flesh is flesh, and silicon is still silicon), loose c**ts, and loose a**holes.
But then I'd have to worry about a lot of new things, besides the usual fiscal crisis, being victimized by street thugs and all that jazz. For one, what do I say to people who ask me what I do for a living? “Porn Star” doesn't exactly generally elicit a positive response from people, even if you use it to merely suggest – regardless if its true or not – that you have “huge assets” and know how to use them. What more if you tell people that you wake up each morning, except maybe on weekends, to do some woman whose b*tthole is so loose that she can sh*t sh*t the size of a softdrink can? That's why even in a backward society like ours, there's the term “sexy star”, or “sexy actress”, to describe women whose roles in film aren't the kind that bank on acting talent. Unless you call moaning and screaming pleasurably “acting”.

Then there's disease. Hey, if a woman lets herself be repeatedly and regularly filmed while doing sexual relations with any number of men, I'd hate to calculate the exponential value of how much these women get done. And don't ask about the men. The numbers are too vast to even imagine. Then I'm imagining a scenario where a woman thinks to herself, “Hey, i just took a crap, but I need to be shot while two men f*ck me in the ass. Oh well, I ain't the one who's gonna stick his thingy into a sh*t-filled asshole.” Great. There goes Mr. Hygiene. I do not want to resort to drinking soap dissolved in buko juice – which prostitutes believe cure stuff like gonorrhea, syphilis, harpies, and so on. It's quite embarrassing to walk into a clinic and declare that you need to be cured of STD. You might as well shout that you're a jerk and a male slut. It might be true, but you don't want everyone to know that, don't you? I wouldn't. And there's the biggest disease of them all: HIV-AIDS. Once I get that, I can't be cured, I'm sure to die in some painful or miserable way, and I don't get any more c*nt. Some people may contest the last part, but even though I screw, er, screwed women for a living, I'm no sick, demented murderer.
So I guess I'll pass the porn star thing. Who knows, one of these days I might get lucky and I get to screw some pretty, soft, girl I meet somewhere. She could be my true love, even. Then I could screw her rich, soft, and definitely clean a** and tight c*nt for the rest of my life. And she wouldn't be faking. But that's a story for another day.

2 told me off:

girl anemic said...

ahh... coming clean? hehehe. i bet they'd employ you quicker than one could say S-T-R-I-P.

pt said...

as for the porn star bit... actually, not all porn star ladies are pretty. Most of them are downright ugly.

Perhaps what makes them the most saleblea is their "performance" quotient; I.E. "Dude, so how are they?" "Oh, they're f*ckable. Ugly, yeah, but definitely f*ckable."