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I'd like my steak rare, please.

It’s frustrating sometimes, how life is fraught with complications and twists and turns, how living is always not as simple as it seems.

It’s tiring when you think of it, really, the infinite number of possibilities, probabilities, outcomes and endings available in a single lifetime. To contemplate on reality and try to grasp the larger picture that encompasses our small and frail existences is an invitation to madness, or at the very least, sadness. Not to mention that simply saying that you “like to contemplate on the real meaning of life as a whole” makes you an arrogant and presumptuous pseudo-philosophical cock (ahem-ahem, excuse me).

It is as it has always been for me. Suck it all up and move forward.

I say this without bitterness and resentment--after all, such is always the case, and I've gotten used to it. It is simply a statement of fact. I just thought it could, and would, be different this time. Judging from my years as a complete and utter failure, however, it's not so far-fetched to say that I am probably the one at fault. Even IF other people were to blame, I do not own them, nor can I answer for them. They are their own selves. It is useless to point fingers at others when one is not perfect. I can only account for--and therefore blame (and change)--myself, in the end.

Ah, I'm babbling now. I don't think that you, my least-avid fan, understand me anyway. I do that quite often--blab incoherently, that is, so much that I think I've gone bonkers.

Maybe I really have.


Sway With Me
Charles Bukowski

sway with me, everything sad --
madmen in stone houses
without doors,
lepers steaming love and song
frogs trying to figure
the sky;
sway with me, sad things --
fingers split on a forge
old age like breakfast shell
used books, used people
used flowers, used love
I need you
I need you
I need you:
it has run away
like a horse or a dog,
dead or lost
or unforgiving.


Raein said…
Ack. I don't like rare steak. I can tolerate medium rare, though. :)

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One last thing before I hit the sack.

I realize I haven't been posting as much as I want to (ha, Captain Obvious), settling for the occasional photo.

Still, I just want to give out a big thank You to the Guy Upstairs, for blessings and what I pray to be good things to come.


Serendra, on a hot, Saturday afternoon:

From the vault: Vignette - Ambiguous

“We finish,” says the man.
“Each other’s sentences,” says the woman.
“She’d like a Cosmopolitan,” says the man to the bartender.
“He’ll have a Jack Daniels on the rocks,” says his companion.
“Isn’t this place wonderful?” They exclaim together, and giggle like high school sweethearts who’ve only been going out for a month.
Arms around each other, they go back to their table, sipping their drinks.

You can be anyone.
But who am I here? Who do I want to be?

“Oops, sorry,” says a blonde beauty that almost spills her martini on me. “I think I’ve had too many of these tonight.”
“Well who can blame you,” I say. “This place is supposed to be just a one night deal, right?”
“Well said! Here’s to more then!” She raises her glass and almost falls, but I steady her back with a hand. She thanks me and moves toward the back of the bar.

“Who might you be, on this fine night?” Says the bartender, noticing that I am alone.
“I haven’t decided yet. I thought maybe an actor, but I really don’t like actors nowadays, an…